Intro

You know, there’s always that one unicorn – no, not the billion-dollar startup kind – but the mythical concept called ‘variable pay’. In theory, it’s meant to incentivize employees and align their goals with the company. But in practice? Well, it often feels like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded… while riding a rollercoaster… backwards. Ah, the sweet (and sometimes baffling) symphony of rewards, metrics, and the ever-elusive ‘performance criteria’. Ready for a chuckle-worthy exploration into this corporate maze? Dive right in!

The Comic

Context

At the office coffee corner, the team huddled post-payslip distribution. Amidst the aroma of fresh brew, whispers and chuckles about variable pay began to brew.

Meet the Characters

(read more about the following characters here)
Chirpii – The HR Songbird of Mentorship & Discipline!
Waggz – The epitome of the “Yes Boss” mantra!
XYise – Questions and Graphs, Written All Over His Face!
Diggz – The witty sidekick of the Boss!

The Cartoon

<< From “Cirque du Biz”, A sridvana’s Comic Strip Conceived in 2015 >> — Excuse me for the PPT visuals! I once dreamt of jazzing it up with a cartoonist’s flair and a dose of humorous dialogues. But here they are, shared in their untouched charm for your blog-reading pleasure!”

Waggz – Frustrated: “Again, I got less variable pay than I thought.”

Chirpii – Concerned: “Let us check with XYise.”
XYise – Explaining: “There are 27 variables and 12 weightages across 5 operating units used in the variable pay calculation. Let us look at each now…”

Waggz – Disinterested: “Forget it.”
Diggz – Cynically Humorous: “I’m sure there’s a ‘Screw-the-variable-pay’ variable that gets slipped into that formula somewhere from the many variables used… And XYise’s variable pay is based on how much he saves …”

Waggz – Chuckling: “Just like Bangalore’s traffic. No matter the route, there’s always one choke point that screws up the plans. Guess our variable pay too has its pay-choke points!”

Contrarian Views

Remember, humor is subjective and exaggerates, and while many might find the joke hilarious, there will always be differing opinions on any subject.

1. Complexity has its reasons: Some might argue that variable pay structures are complex for a reason. It’s an attempt to balance the myriad of considerations businesses have, such as employee performance, company performance, market conditions, and industry benchmarks.
2. Motivation Factor: The variable pay, despite its complexities, is designed to motivate employees to perform better. It aligns their goals with the company’s objectives, ensuring that when the company does well, they benefit directly.
3. Transparency Issues: The joke might assume that companies are not transparent with their variable pay structures. However, many organizations hold regular sessions to explain their compensation structures to employees, ensuring there are no surprises.
4. Too Cynical: Making a joke that there’s a “screw-the-variable-pay” variable might be seen as overly cynical and not give credit to organizations that genuinely try to create a fair and motivating compensation plan.
5. Standard Practice: Variable pay isn’t a novel concept. It’s widely accepted in many industries as a part of the compensation structure. Making fun of it could be seen as making fun of a well-established business practice.

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MidJourney Prompt with inputs from ChatGPT

A cartoonish office setting with numerous charts, graphs, matrices, and data calculations prominently displayed in the background. In the foreground, focus on an individual sitting at a computer desk, eyes widened and mouth open in a shout of bewilderment and anger as they stare at an on-screen document. Veins can be seen popping on their forehead, emphasizing their strong emotional reaction. The ambiance suggests a complex and data-driven work environment, contrasting starkly with the person’s explosive response to the content they’re viewing. –ar 16:9